ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
