She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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