I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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