One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he fucked my hip out of place.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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