everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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