she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
