2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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