If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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