that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
