giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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