But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
