I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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