Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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