He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
