So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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