It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
