I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Im part way to drunk.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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