I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
