i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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