he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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