the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
