Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
