New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
