im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Fuck appropriateness.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
