so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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