I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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