Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
