I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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