you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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