so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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