so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
