I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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