I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
