she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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