Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
