he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
