i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
