dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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