you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
