So drunk its hurt
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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