So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
