C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
