Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
