I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
