Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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