Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
