I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
