Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Did we literally take a cab across the street
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
God I need to hump something, right now.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
