Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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