"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
