He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
