Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
