Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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