I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
