dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
