I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
