my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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