Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
