Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
