I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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