My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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