Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
