It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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