Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
