she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
kristin has been a bad kristin
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
