at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
