Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize