I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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