was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
