I will die if light touches me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
